


Settlin’ Down

by dustywoolhat



Category: Rawhide (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Gil Favor, Bisexual Rowdy Yates, Cowboys in Love, Gil’s hard to talk to, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of sexual activity, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Sex Cigarettes, Rowdy just wants to be Appreciated, Sort Of, Talking About The Future, accidental love confession, post-sex conversation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29554092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustywoolhat/pseuds/dustywoolhat
Summary: Rowdy wants to settle down, but Gil isn’t so sure.
Relationships: Gil Favor/Rowdy Yates
Kudos: 8





	Settlin’ Down

“You ever thought about settlin’ down?” Rowdy asked. He had tried to be quiet, but his voice came out too loud in the still and calm hotel room, nerves getting the best of him.

Gil exhaled smoke slowly through a sigh. Rowdy knew it was a worthless question, one he knew Gil wouldn’t want to answer. Still, it didn’t hurt to ask. It never hurt to ask Gil anything (for the most part). He might get mad, sure, or he might just ignore him, but with Gil, you never knew what he might say until you asked.

They lay in the bed together quietly, with Gil propped up against the headboard with a leg bent at the knee and Rowdy lying on his slide close beside him, one hand propping him up and the other running its fingers through Gil's chest hair. The curtains were open enough to let the moonlight in, and the lamp on the bedside table flickered softly, emphasizing Gil’s distinctive features with an orange glow. As Rowdy studied his face, he noticed Gil was looking at his cheroot the same way he would a drink in his hand whenever he was thinking long and hard about something. Rowdy didn’t mean to make him _think_ tonight. Gil did enough of that as it is, and since the crew had earned themselves a night in the town while the going was good, Rowdy wanted to make their overnight stay thinking-too-much-about-anything free, because when Rowdy was with Gil, he liked to think it was his job to comfort and reassure him that everything would be just fine when they gathered up their drovers and rode back to the herd in the morning. Maybe it wasn’t fair to Gil that Rowdy was so curious and so desperate for validation, but at the same time, it wasn’t fair to Rowdy that Gil was so aloof to the point it was hard to get anything out of him.

Without a reply, Rowdy was convinced Gil had just ignored him completely or pretended he didn’t hear him, his full focus on his post-sex cigarette as if he _didn’t_ have the man whose name he groaned when he came next to him. Rowdy let out a sigh of his own as he watched Gil’s eyes closely.

It was hard to tell what Gil Favor was thinking about. Rowdy hadn’t thought his question was too loaded, but in retrospect, he supposed it could have been too much after the given circumstances. They were laying together in a full sized bed in a hotel after taking their time together, with gentle kisses and slow movements, soft moans interrupting the quiet night. If Rowdy didn't know any better, he'd say they had just made love, but it seemed to Rowdy that when they had all night, that was just Gil's style. But these kinds of nights were quite rare, for their coupling was often limited to fast fucks against a tree or hasty handjobs in the dark. Not that those were any less enjoyable, though, it was just that, in a bed, against cool clean sheets, privacy ensured, it felt totally different. Rowdy wished he had just kept his mouth shut and said something silly instead like "We should go to town more often," or something like that, instead of a question about a future that most likely didn't even include the pair in the same picture.

Gil took a draw of his cheroot, the smoke chasing his words. “Sure I’ve thought about settlin’ down, Rowdy.”

Rowdy let a hum of affirmation, disappointed but not surprised by Gil’s vague answer. “Sure you have, but, I was thinkin’... What if the two of us, y’know,” Rowdy bashfully looked down at his hand and pressed it flat against Gil's stomach, his thumb sweeping against his sternum, “got a ranch together, raised our own cattle. Could be nice.” 

Rowdy glanced at Gil to see his reaction, but his efforts were futile, as there was that same impassive face Gil always wore.

“I don’t know, Rowdy, I’d want my girls to stay with me and...” Gil frowned, choosing his words carefully. “I just wouldn’t want them to get the wrong idea of me.”

Rowdy would have lied if he said that didn’t hurt. He might’ve had a point; folks in the east weren’t so easy to accept how different life was in the wild west. But Gil had to remember, men out here had to do their best to survive, and if they were with another man, so be it. Women were hard to find out on a cattle drive, so it was only natural. It wasn’t entirely uncommon to see men together like the way Gil and Rowdy were together, anyway, and it’s not like men didn’t run ranches together all the time. Besides, Rowdy himself had no desire to live in a big city like Philadelphia. He would much rather live on the range, with fresh air, man or woman beside him, he didn’t really care. But he knew Gil felt differently about the whole situation, even though he could be quite confusing. Sometimes he didn’t mind sitting too close to his ramrod while they ate supper with Rowdy picking things off of Gil’s plate, and sometimes he didn’t mind laying together when they bed down, practically on top of each other. But then there were times Rowdy was treated like any old drover and he didn’t want anything to do with him, which, frankly, took to getting used to. But then, sometimes, Gil would pull Rowdy away from the men during night camp with some excuse just so he could give him a kiss and ask him to meet an the other side of those trees not too far away from camp when everybody was asleep, leaving Rowdy to be fidgety for the rest of the night in anticipation. And now, Rowdy had just learned that Gil was afraid of the possibility of getting caught with another man by his family. While that was reasonable, Rowdy wished Gil knew he respected the fact they couldn’t be openly affectionate with each other unless they were totally alone. It would be better than eliminating the idea of owning a ranch as a team altogether.

Rowdy frowned. “But Mr. Favor, you almost became partners with a stranger at the end of the last drive, and Pete told me you were lookin’ for a job in Philadelphia. I know that life isn’t all that appealin’, but you can’t be a trail boss forever,” he said.

Gil snorted a laugh and gave a half-nod at that. “And you won’t be a ramrod forever. When I retire from the job, who do you think I’m gonna put in charge of the next herd? Quince?” He looked at Rowdy accusingly, his eyebrows raised, which made Rowdy sit up.

“Yeah, but-“ Rowdy furrowed his brow and closed his mouth, thinking about his next words carefully.

A discussion with Gil that included subject matter that he didn’t like to talk about usually turned sour, and Rowdy really didn’t want to ruin the night with a foul mood, but it made no sense to him. Why did Gil have to make everything so _difficult_? He thought, well, _he thought they had something together_. It might have sounded a bit childish, but Rowdy had thought there was a little bit more than just two friends getting each other off when women weren't around. Far from it, actually, if all those nights spent side by side on the edge of camp were anything to go by, stealing kisses in the dark, cuddling when it was cold. Did none of that mean anything to him?

With his head turned away from Gil, he muttered, “I just figured you’d still wanna be _friends_ when you retire.”

“Rowdy, you don’t understand,” Gil snapped. Rowdy’s head whipped to look at Gil, startled by his sudden harsh tone of voice, his words firing in a rush. “We won’t– _can’t_ – do this forever.” He gestured vaguely to the bed. “You must know that. It’s not like we can get married[*], if that’s what you want! You need to find yourself a wife and have your own family when you’re tired of cattle driving, instead of following me like a lovesick puppy. It just can't work out that way.”

Rowdy blinked at Gil, not sure what to say. He felt tears well in his eyes and his lip curled, but he didn’t want to show how much Gil’s words had stung, so he threw his legs over the bed and grabbed his long johns from the floor.

“What are you doing?” Gil asked, not entirely unkind.

“I’m gettin’ dressed and goin’ to my room,” Rowdy grumbled, wiping his eyes roughly with the back of his hand.

When he stood to pull his long johns up, Gil grabbed onto his arm. “Oh, c’mon Rowdy, don’t go.”

Rowdy pulled his arm away and turned to face him. “No, Mr. Favor, it’s you who don’t understand,” he snapped. “I love you, and I like what we’ve got goin’ on. But I won’t be used by you if you don’t think it’s worth anything outside of this damn cattle drive!”

The room felt like it shifted on an axis, and the atmosphere became heavy. It became startling quiet, like it was before he asked his stupid question about settling down. It was the first time either of them had said _I love you_ , and Rowdy had said it in a spur of the moment without thinking. It scared him as much as it did Gil, and he didn’t want to look at him when he potentially started yelling or worse, said nothing at all, so he began searching for his jeans on the ground in the dim light.

“Rowdy,” Gil said softly. “Come back to bed.”

Rowdy sniffled and wiped his eyes again, debating whether or not he really should leave. Gil called out again more firmly, finalizing his decision for him. He dropped the pair of jeans that were in the middle of the room and made his way to the bed, sitting in front of Gil so they were facing each other.

Gil dropped his cheroot in a beer bottle on the bedside table and sighed. “I’m sorry I said all that. I didn’t mean it,” he said, his expression sincere. “It’s just–“

Rowdy cut him off, “Mr. Favor, I’m only askin’ to be partners. If you don’t want to, just tell me no, sir, but don’t tell me we can’t do this forever. I already knew that.” He didn’t like to admit it, but he still understood that nothing lasted, especially out here in the west. And sure, while partners could have a double meaning, Rowdy would be content either way; friends or more.

Gil nodded. “I think being partners sounds just fine,” he said, a half smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

Rowdy gave a firm nod in response and smiled. They looked at each other for a moment before Rowdy turned away and scratched his cheek. “Urm, Boss, there's somethin' I gotta know, first, though, um... About how you really feel about... this.” He did that same vague gesture. “ _Love_ is no place for a cattle drive, I know that, but...”

Gil ran a hand over his mouth and thought for a second. Then he shifted closer to Rowdy and covered his cheeks with gentle hands, kissing him softly. Rowdy sighed against Gil’s lips and a hand firmly grabbed onto his bicep to ground him. When Gil pulled away, they smiled at each other. “I don’t intend on puttin’ an end to this anytime soon, boy. Maybe love can wait til we get to Sedalia, but I’ll be damned if I said I wasn’t mighty fond of you.”

Rowdy had that wide lopsided grin on his face, and Gil swore he could see the slightest blush on his face. Gil turned to blow the light from the lamp, and Rowdy crawled back to where he was before, comfortable and warm under the blankets. Gil adjusted himself so he was lying too, and his arms were held open as he whispered, “C’mere.”

Rowdy obediently moved so he was on top of Gil and they were holding each other, Rowdy’s head on his chest, tucked under his chin, and Gil’s arms around his broad shoulders.

They lay in silence for a while, but they were both too tired to get any sleep. To Rowdy’s surprise, Gil was the one to break the silence. “I’ve always thought about settlin’ down when I got too old to be a trail boss. I always figured it would be nice to live in a ranch outta town with my girls and their aunt.” There was a short pause, and one of Gil’s hands had come up to rest on the back of Rowdy’s head, running his fingers through his freshly-washed golden mane that was soft as ever, adorably tousled from their messing around. “I thought I would raise cattle and sell ‘em, and the girls would be taught by their aunt, and once they started to talk about what they wanted to do for a living, well, I wouldn’t stop them from doing whatever they wanted. It doesn't matter much to me. Long as they’re happy.”

Rowdy nodded and hummed in response, his eyes slipping closed. He was so concentrated on Gil’s touch that he barely heard him, it had relaxed him so, on top of Gil’s soothing voice, which was so deep that it vibrated against Rowdy’s ear that lay on his chest near his clavicle. He replied sleepily, “You’ll need help on your ranch. I’ll be the first to sign up.”

Gil let out a chuckle. “I’m sure you will be, Rowdy.” He kissed the top of his head and continued to play with Rowdy’s hair, his fingers sometimes rubbing at his nape or behind his ear. “And you’ll be second in command, and the girls will just adore you, I’m sure of it.”

That made Rowdy lift his head so they were face to face. “Really? You think so?” Rowdy wasn’t so sure why that was so important to him; maybe it had something to do with the way Pete and Wishbone had boasted about having so much fun when they had gone to visit Gil in Philadelphia while Rowdy drank away his time in Sedalia. He wished he had gone instead up there, but there was always next time he supposed.

Gil chuckled again and nodded. “Of course I do! You’d be like an uncle to them.”

Rowdy rested his head back on Gil’s chest and hummed contently, imagining their ranch. They would have chickens and a stable and land where their cattle grazed, and the girls would get the eggs every morning with Gil as Rowdy watched as he fed the horses. Eleanor would fix up breakfast, and afterwards Rowdy would show Gillian how to rope a steer while Gil and Maggie watched by the fence, Gil holding a cup of coffee between his hands. _Yeah_ , Rowdy thought, _I could definitely get used to that_. “Sounds good to me, Mr. Favor.”

“Good. Now go to sleep, we gotta get back to the herd in the morning,” Gil said, fingers running over Rowdy’s face, over supple lips and a round nose, over closed eyes with perhaps the longest, prettiest eyelashes Gil Favor had ever seen on a man before, and over soft cheeks that were free from any rough whiskers. The touch relaxed Rowdy nearly to sleep, but Gil’s voice, in the softest whisper, made him perk up.

“You're a good kid, Rowdy." There was short hesitant pause, and Rowdy could tell he held in a breath. "I- I love you, too." The breath came out in a sigh and another kiss was pressed to the top of his head.

Rowdy had heard that endearment so many times before when Gil had thought he was asleep, but with it paired with _I love you_ , it made Rowdy's stomach fill up with butterflies. He smiled privately and finally let sleep overtake him, satisfied that the man he loved felt the same way.

**Author's Note:**

> * According to the _True West Magazine_ article “Homos on the Range,” cowboy partnerships were sometimes recognized by men as “bachelor marriages.” The article also states that same sex relationships and activities weren’t necessarily seen as homosexual, which I tried to show through Rowdy, who is not too bothered by being with man or woman. However, it was seen differently by people from the east who lived in the cities, which is Gil’s point of view. I’ve always thought that, because of how Eleanor lived, I figured Gil’s wife was a little similar and that Gil lived a good amount of time in the city, so he's a little in the middle. [return to text]


End file.
